Letters

I know some of these are more abstract than expected, but hey! I can be thankful for whatever. So, tonight, I'm thankful, specifically, for letters. Generally, the written word, but really letters. You see, they've been such a source of expression for me lately, that I can't not acknowledge them.

There are many things in my head and heart that I have to say. I'm constantly thinking and analyzing not only the world around me, but especially myself. I think about previous decisions I've made, how those affect the current me. I think about relationships constantly, whether they be romantic or friendship or familial. This being the case, I come up with a lot of thoughts. And these thoughts just...can't all stay in me. Some need release.

Sometimes I need to remind myself of someting, whether it be assignment or affirmation. Other times I need to put puzzle pieces together, rearrange them, and write them out to physically see them and think visually. But most importantly, sometimes I really need to tell people things. But more often than not, when it's something that I really want to say, I either shouldn't or can't say it to that person. These are pressing matters on my heart. And so tonight, I am thankful for letters.

I've made this habit. I have pages and pages, notebooks full of letters to people. More to some than others, but varied greatly. These letters never get sent. These letters are for me. Normally I would love nothing more than to send them and tell them my heart, but if I could send them, I wouldn't be writing late at night in a little notebook. So I write. And I pray. And I keep writing these letters until I run out of words or fall asleep.

Maybe someday I can share them. Maybe someday I'll wrap them all up and throw them away, done with that phase of my life. Maybe someday I won't have to write these letters. But for now, they are a means of healing. A chance to express myself. And most especially, a way to bring those close to me who feel so desperately far away.